Being a good parent in today's world is fairly different from what it meant to our parents. Raising “model” children is no longer enough. Here are some actionable tips for parents in 2023.
Ever felt like every conversation with your teen ends in an eye roll or a slammed door? You're not the only one. Most parents feel a disconnect, especially in today’s digital world, where screen addiction and peer pressure can complicate things further. As you try to adapt to your child’s ever-changing world and understand modern ways of parenting, it becomes obvious that the style of parenting your parents and grandparents adopted will not fit in today’s scenario.
Their methods were all about discipline. The ultimate goal is to have your child fit the mould, top every exam, and be the talk of the town. But today, you want to recognise your child's unique strengths, be their safe space, and help them find a path that brings them fulfilment and success.
Life is a rocky road for both parents and children, even when you feel like you’re trying your best to be a good parent. But here's the good news: with an increasing focus on supportive parenting, there’s lots of research and best practices out there. We’ve rounded up the best tips to help you master the art and science of good parenting!
Let’s start by looking at the foundational principles of parenting that can help you bond with your child and create a healthy relationship. Here’s what you can do -
Talk to your kids about what they feel. Help them through those emotions, whether they’re feeling excited or gloomy. Understanding their feelings will make you feel closer to them and create a safe space for them too. Off course, don’t start the conversation with, “Let’s talk about your feelings.” Try, “So what’s new with you?” or a simple, “What’s up; how was your day?” as a more natural, less forced way of getting into these conversations.
Consistency is key. Whether it's bedtime, screen time, or chores, setting clear boundaries and developing a schedule helps children understand and meet expectations. Don’t pin the planning on them; especially if they’re still in primary school.
And remember, schedule-setting is not about being strict; it's about providing a structured environment where they can thrive. Besides, you’re preparing them for a structured and organised future.
Recognise your child’s unique, individual strengths. Avoid comparing them to others; instead, notice and compliment their achievements, even if they might seem small to you. Positive reinforcement is the best motivation your child can receive, and the most effective way to encourage further improvement.
Feel like your child doesn’t have anything going for them? That sounds heartbreaking, but also impossible. Everyone is good at some things. Invest in genetic testing to find your your child’s personality traits, talents and aptitudes, reliably and scientifically. That way, you can channelize their energy in the right direction and boost your confidence and theirs.
Remember, your child is extremely sensitive to how you perceive them. They know when you think they’re not good enough. It is absolutely critical that you identify and believe in your child’s worth.
Children mirror the behaviour they see. If you want your child to be kind, show kindness. If you want them to be resilient, show resilience when faced with difficulties. Your everyday actions and reactions shape your child’s point of view and shape their behaviour.
You might also want to consider what you allow your child to see. You might not want them to see your workplace personality if you have no choice but to be slick or cut-throat, for example. Likewise, you definitely do not want to them to see you and your spouse, or family members fighting, because that might become their go-to conflict resolution mechanism.
It might sound tedious, but it is essential. At every point, consider how a given experience might model your child’s behaviour.
With the digital age, changing society and the 21st-century lifestyle, you have a unique set of challenges to face when it comes to your parenting skills. But don’t worry, here are some parenting tips to help you through it -
Embrace the unpredictability:
As much as you would like to, you cannot control every aspect of your child’s life. They might get bullied despite your best efforts and that of their school or college. Despite their warm, loving home environment and careful upbringing, they might get peer pressured into something. They might get their hearts broken, fail occasionally, and might disappoint you terribly. They’re human, after all.
Unpredictability isn’t just about your child. It's also about you. You might lose it and snap instead of being kind and loving one day, or they might catch you at less than your very best. And that's okay. It's not being the best parents in the world or raising a “perfect” child. Take time to learn about how you can fix things when they go wrong instead.
Prioritise self-care:
Ever heard the saying, "You can't pour from an empty cup"? It's spot on. You can be the best parents when you’re feeling good yourself. So, make sure you're carving out a little ‘me time,’ whether it's a quick coffee break, a walk around the block, or just some quiet time with a book. It's not selfish; it's essential.
Additionally, to be a good parent, you need to take care of your own mental health. Work stress, and life, in general, can make it difficult for you to hold room for your children and to approach parenting without biases. You might also risk bringing your own childhood wounds into your parenting dynamic, and this might be detrimental to your child’s well-being.
Seeking parenting support:
Most parents will admit that they have had at least one moment when they felt stumped. Maybe it's a toddler tantrum or a teen's stonewalling. It's okay to admit that you don't have all the answers. Reach out, chat with fellow parents, or seek professional advice from child counsellors. Most international schools will have a special educator or counsellor who you can approach.
They don’t say “It takes a village to raise a child” for nothing!
Parenting has always been a delicate dance; as times change, so do the steps. While the Boomer era relied on discipline and structure, today's world calls for a blend of guidance and love. You will take your children further when you guide them with unconditional love.
Remember that while the methods of parenting may change, the goal remains the same: raising happy, confident, and well-rounded individuals.